Almost Two

Yesterday we set out to buy you new shoes. For days you had been pointing to your boots and saying "tight boots" so we knew it was time. When we went to the kid's shoe store, you were shy at first. And then you discovered the little clogs that matched your dress. You really loved those clogs, but they didn't have your size. Instead, you have one pair of pink Teva sandals and one pair of hot pink shoes and you are fully girly with them. Today you insisted that I take them off and on until I finally hid one pair in our bedroom so you could forget about them for awhile.
Your speech has really taken off in the last few weeks. You are putting 3 words together sometimes and I love having our little conversations. Last night we left you with the babysitter and as we were getting ready and you two were settling in you said, "bye-bye, kiss, back." It's great that you understand that we are coming back. There is no anxiety when we leave you with the trusted few who watch you.
You've also started saying colors, counting and you even identified a letter or two. You study your little books and can name more items each day. Sometimes I'm surprised and wonder, "when did she learn that word?" I love it, even though it is bittersweet.
As the weeks pass and you become more independent, your will grows stronger. You insist on being changed on the floor now, which is fine and it really wasn't an option. You cry for animal cookies and snacks and really demand things Right Now. We listen to the same music over and over (and over...) because it makes you so happy. Today you were listening to this Raffi tape (How did that happen? Raffi?) that we found at nana's house and you said, "Oh Raffi. Gentle." My heart melted even though, sometimes, I just really want to listen to Led Zepplin. You like them too, just not as much. You've started asking us to rub your back too, for comfort. Sometimes you get a little pushy, but when you cuddle, I can remember back to when you were a newborn and close to me every minute, so I take what I can.
In the fall you will hopefully start Montessori "school". It will be a big change, but I know you will thrive there. Julie will see you when she's feel well enough; neither one of you would have it another way. We are still not sure how your nana N. will do. We hope she will be around to see you grow another year older, but we may only have 6 months. Your grandpa R. was in town a few weeks ago and you effectively wooed him. I love the way you love, Lucy. As always, watching you grow is challenging and beautiful.
Thanks for chillin' with us. xoxoxo

22 & 3/4 months: Roller Coaster

"Are you noting all of the cute things Lucy says?" Nana asked. And I had to admit that it's been awhile since I've written down a list of your words or noted the cute things you do.
The last few weeks have been up and down. Julie received better news about her cancer, and so we are more hopeful about her future. Because of treatments, she will not be able to take care of you next school year. This is sad, of course, but we are all happy for the more positive prognosis.

About three weeks ago, we found out that your other grandma has breast cancer throughout her body. At first, the news was very bad, but now it seems there's hope for a longer life. It has truly been a roller coaster.

You move around so much faster now, and it's hard to keep up with your curiosities sometimes. As you reach your hands into dangerous areas, I find myself frowning and No!-ing and wondering if I'm teaching you "right". If I say no loudly, you get this worried look on your face. I don't want to be angry, but sometimes I'm so on edge, I can't find a more skillful way of dealing with a situation.

One thing that's happened, for sure, is that I'm much more careful about leaving possible hazards out in the open. And I'm neater overall. But then I wonder if this Anxiety I feel about What Could Happen?! is healthy. Tonight, for instance, I placed a small pair of scissors on our nightstand. Even though you were already in bed, I couldn't be sure that I would remember to put them away which led to a mini-drama unfolding in my mind which ended with the aforementioned scissor poking your eye (or ear, or leg, or...or....).

But I wanted to write about what you've been "doing".
You love to play hide and seek now, although you don't totally get the waiting part. It's so sweet.
Yesterday, when you were leaving with dad, you told me you loved me. It took my breath away, truly.
You've been putting two words together into coherent sentences, and you ramble on and on about other things. You love to read and ask to hear poems.
You love your baby dolls and now insist on sleeping with them. They must go with you, along with your books, in your orange Hello Kitty backpack.
When we were visiting your grandma Nancy in the hospital, you loved to walk in the halls. You would stop at each green square and do a little hop/squat dance.
You are so much more emotional and sure about what you want. You understand so much!
When you found your broken crayons or a hangnail, you started saying (very seriously) "oh shit". Umm, well, we are working on that one; now you are leaning toward "oh dear!" instead. It's very difficult not to laugh, but we're working on that too.

I've been worried about how to wean you in general, but specifically from your periodic middle of the night nurse time. It's purely for comfort (yours, not mine). Over the last few weeks, you just seem less interested in general. You're too busy! There are other, more interesting things to look at and that's fine with me. And then I started taking this cough medicine at night that has unknown effects, so I had to put my foot down on your nighttime allotment. And it's been surprisingly easy. You want me to hold you, swaying, for about one minute. Then you ask to go back into your crib with your baby and blanket. Amazing. There are easy things about you that make me hold my breath and wonder, "when will this end? I know it will end!" At dinner, you ask to take your vitamins and then clap your hands when you are finished. Dude. I know we are lucky.

Well, party on, my sweet! Grandpa Roy comes tomorrow and we can't wait. Until tomorrow....