At home, where you love to be.
This week you started your longer days at school. I think it was harder on me than you, but your feelings about being away from us -- from home -- were evident in your behavior.
In the evenings, you were cranky to the point of complete meltdown. One night, you were inconsolable because dad wouldn't play Candyland with you during dinner preparations. After school on the first long day, you lost it in the grocery store because you couldn't call everything in the store "yours" with a shriek. We could barely carry you back to the car, and then you wouldn't sit in your carseat.
I picked you up late on Thursday and found you finishing snack. You looked comfortable, but tired in your little chair. I could tell by your demeanor that you'd rather be home; maybe I was imagining it. You looked small and big at the same time, as if in my absence, I'd missed a growth spurt during those extra 5 hours.
There's a lump in my throat and I've already cried about it.
Last night we looked at your newborn pictures. This made me long for another baby, perhaps, but I think it's more a yearning for that newness, the unknown. Also, you rarely pose for the camera anymore (you'd rather be on the other side) so I am only capturing you in each moment. This isn't bad, I suppose.
Today, we had a nice, slow day. No agenda, really. We went to a coffee shop in the evening -- a place we haven't been with you, but a shop that we went to a lot when we were without a child. You sat between us on the sofa: dad was reading, you were eating cookies and I was knitting. When you were ready to go, you said, "I'm ready to go" and put your hat on.
And another long week is on the way.