Saturday, February 23, 2008

Passion and difficulty

Today is my birthday and you woke me up by saying, "go away mom." You and Dad have this thing on weekend mornings; you wake up together while I sleep in. I am forever grateful of the extra sleep, but you are very territorial of whatever early morning magic you create -- painting, writing songs on the computer and reading books.
I am already afraid of our future relationship. We both have a passive-aggressive tendency and we've had disagreements where neither one of us wants to admit defeat. Then I realize I'm trying to one-up a preschooler and I recognize the ridiculousness of my own behavior.
You are so passionate and loving most of the time -- and oh-so-sure of how everything fits together. I wouldn't trade what we have for a world without you, but I worry when you act like a jerk. I'd prefer to think your nature is the "I love you mommy, I made this for you, thank you so much" and not the "you are not my friend, go away, I don't love you."
We'll find our way together; I'll never go away.

3 comments:

FireMom said...

Ah. I've felt this before with BigBrother. Nothing like realizing you're trying to one up your own kid and that arguing is pointless. I feel like such a heel sometimes!

Happy Birthday!

Jeff said...

You are the best mom I know. Lucy appreciates you in so many ways. Happy Birthday, my love.

h sofia said...

I love your letters to Lucy. Happy Belated! One day she'll appreciate the commitment.